What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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