I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
