When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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