Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
