we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Blood and glitter go together right?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I love you. Go after that dick
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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