What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
