You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
