You really coming over, don't trick.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
