Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you didnt know i had herpes?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
