even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
