ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
