Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
