so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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