Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
