i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
