Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
