You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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