Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
