I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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