I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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