You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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