ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize