I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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