He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
