it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize