I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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