Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
