watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
