What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
