Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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