just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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