Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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