you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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