i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
