so that wasnt chicken after all
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
