I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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