My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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