Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
