great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
