I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I party with great urgency now.
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