i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
