Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
