You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
