i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
