do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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