you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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