I want to make a zoo with you.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
