Buhtt sex?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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