My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
