Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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