about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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