I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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