1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Whod you bang
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
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