You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
