Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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