the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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