1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
