pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
