i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
