sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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