so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
