her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
