i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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